Let’s end the season with a laugh. Here are some more hunting bloopers.
• When nature calls with brother Nate.
When you are out in the field and you have to take care of business, you do what you have to do. After all restrooms are nonexistent in most outdoor areas, so a patch of bushes is about the most privacy you can get. Nature calls sometimes, and sometimes it calls fast!
Nate was out hunting on a family friend’s property when nature called in a big hurry! Poor Nate had no T.P. and the season being early winter meant no leaves on any of the trees.
Let's just say when Nate came back indoors, his hat or lack of a hat had seen better days. It was a hat that even a hobo would be ashamed to wear. It looked like a mouse had made it a home for a couple years.
• Dad and the three-wheeler.
I wasn't there for this blooper, but occasionally I ask my cousin who witnessed this spectacular event unfold first-hand in the late 1980s.
My dad had a small three-wheeler before they were outlawed for being too dangerous. It was one of the first ones made I'm told. So my Uncle Jeff, his son (my cousin) Josh and my dad were hunting some hillsides in Garland. Dad was trying to make it up the muddy hillside with his three-wheeler when suddenly it flipped over on him.
I guess the comical part was the way it flipped and landed on top of Dad. Dad and the wheeler went straight back and the wheeler had him pinned, similar to a finger pinning a bug to the ground. All you could see were arms and legs kicking and fighting to get the wheeler off.
Finally, he got a leg under it and kicked it off. I guess he was covered with mud head to toe. My uncle and cousin were just laughing with tears in their eyes. Dad just walked away filthy and cussing like a sailor.
• The misadventures of Mr. Porcupine.
This blooper is the most recent on this list of tales. Three or four years ago it went down. Dad has always had a hatred for porcupines. It might come from his being a logger and all, and porcupines do damage and eat trees. But to Dad everything that isn't right in the world could be due to that little pokey varmint. He is just disgusted with them.
So during deer season, Nate, Dad and I were walking through the woods behind Dad's house when he spotted a young and small porcupine in a little sapling just up ahead. I'm sure the porcupine was hoping we would pass without bothering or spotting him. But Dad's keen and bloodthirsty eye zeroed in on that S.O.B. He grabbed the sapling and started shaking it from left to right.
Don't let anyone ever tell you that a porcupine doesn't have any grip strength. It held on with all its might and looked down with its dark little beady eyes, as if to say, “What the heck are you trying to do?”
Dad kept shaking the little tree, but the little thing would not let go. Nate and I were almost on the ground from laughing so hard. Dad would stop and then try to surprise him but just couldn't get Mr. Porcupine to fall.
• Big hats save lives.
This tale came from Jill Hall, my co-worker. She has a deaf cousin who picked up hunting many years ago. He went out into the woods equipped and ready for the hunt. A little while after sunrise, his hat was whisked right off his head. Because he is deaf, he thought maybe it was just a breeze. After a closer inspection he saw the bullet hole went straight through one end and out the other.
Luckily it was a big hat, and the bullet completely missed his scalp.
• Josh shooting at deer and missing.
Another time I was hunting with my cousin, Josh. We were young teens at the time, and I was sitting a few hundred yards down the hill from him when I started to hear a lot of shooting — and it was coming from his direction. I mean one shot right after another.
I waited to see if my good fortune would arise and maybe one of the deer would head my way. Nothing came my way, so after a few minutes I walked over to see what or how many were shot. With all that shooting, I thought maybe Josh and a few of my uncles cleaned house. I expected at least three deer or more to be downed in that area.
Instead, I see Josh with his head hanging low and my uncle just smiling at him. Later on that day, he told me the deer just stopped and looked at him while he emptied his gun on them. It was like they knew he couldn't hit them or something. We still laugh at that one from time to time.
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